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The clues below all refer to dramatic characters called ‘John’. Can you tell me their surnames, the plays in which they appear and the authors of those plays ?

1. He describes England as ‘a precious stone, set in the silver sea’.
2. This John was a priest during the Wars of the Roses.
3. A haunting presence, abusive ex-husband of Genevieve.
4. Usually called ‘Jack’, a young eligible bachelor.
5. Bishop of Ely in a play named after a king.
6. Who says ” You can walk down any corridor in this school and you know, no one bothers you and if you want something it’s yours and no one bothers you and everyone respects you and everyone’s scared of you and who made that, I mean, I’m not boasting, but who made that happen ?”
7. “Here have we war for war, and blood for blood,
   Controlment for controlment: so answer France.”    Whose words ?
8. ” Because it is my name. Because I cannot have another in my life !”      What name are we talking about ?
9. In the dramatis personae he’s described as ‘the bastard brother of Don Pedro’.
10. ‘He is prodigiously fluent of speech, restless, excitable ( mark the snorting nostril and the restless blue eye, just the thirty-secondth of an inch too wide open ), possibly a little mad.’ Who is being described in this stage direction ? ( N.B. He’s usually known as Jack rather than John.)

Scroll down for the answers.

1. This is John of Gaunt in Shakespeare’s Richard II. Surname ? Lancaster ? Plantagenet ?
2. John Hume, a minor character in Henry VI Part 2 by Shakespeare.
3. John Marduk, who may or may not be in John by Annie Baker.
4. John (Jack) Worthing in The Importance of Being Earnest by Oscar Wilde.
5. John Morton. Shakespeare again. Richard III this time.
6. John Tate in DNA by Dennis Kelly.
7. King John in King John by Shakespeare. Surname ?  A Plantagenet.
8. John Proctor in The Crucible by Arthur Miller.
9. Don John in Much Ado About Nothing.
10. John (Jack) Tanner in Bernard Shaw’s Man and Superman.

This show was memorable for me  because it was the first time I can recall being reduced to tears in the theatre. There have been many occasions since ( Les Miserables and Billy Elliot spring to mind ) but at that performance I was quite surprised, as a cynical teenager, to find myself sobbing in the balcony.

This may have been the last time these two theatrical knights worked together. The programme contains an interview in which they detail many of their joint performances.

I saw the show at the Apollo after its transfer from the Royal Court. The author, David Storey, seems little remembered now but was very popular at the time, his recent plays in the west End being The Contractor and The Changing Room. Director Lindsay Anderson was another man of the moment.

As was usual at the time, the programme is full of ads for cigarettes, booze and restaurants. Much more interesting to me are the ads for other shows running in the West End at the time. Val Doonican, Norman Vaughan and Moira Anderson were at the Palladium. Not my idea of a great night out. Alan Ayckbourn has to be described as ‘author of Relatively Speaking‘ to plug his new show How The Other Half Loves. I guess he was not yet the theatrical legend that he later became. Unbelievably, in 1970, the Black and White Minstrels are still at the Victoria Palace with their show that really belonged to another age.

Another difficult one. Scroll down for the answers.

According to Shakespeare, which English kings said the following ?

1.
When I was crowned I was but nine months old.

2.
Mount, mount, my soul; thy seat is up on high
Whilst my gross flesh sinks downward, here to die

3.
How many thousand of my poorest subjects
Are at this hour asleep ? O sleep, O gentle sleep
Nature’s soft nurse, how have I frighted thee
That thou no more wilt weigh my eyelids down.

4.
When France is mine and I am yours, then yours is France and you are mine.

5.
I do not ask you much;
I beg cold comfort, and you are so strait
And so ungrateful you deny me that

6.
I may perceive
These cardinals trifle with me. I abhor
This dilatory sloth and tricks of Rome

7.
Would not my lords return to me again
After they heard young Arthur was alive ?

8.
We would not die in that man’s company
That fears his fellowship to die with us.

9.
I am greater than a king;
For when I was a king my flatterers
Were then but subjects; being now a subject
I have a king here to my flatterer

10.
Can no man tell me of my unthrifty son ?
‘Tis full three months since I did see him last
If any plague hang over us, ’tis he.

11.
Say, is my kingdom lost ? Why, ’twas my care.

12.
I am determined to prove a villain.

13.
My brother slew no man; his fault was thought
And yet his punishment was bitter death
Who sued to me for him ?

14.      ( One king addressing another )
Teeth hadst thou in thy head when thou wast born
To signify thou cam’st to bite the world.

15.
I shall despair. There is no creature loves me,
And, if I die, no soul will pity me.

1.          Henry VI
2.          Richard II
3.          Henry IV
4.          Henry V
5.          John
6.          Henry VIII
7.          John
8.          Henry V
9.          Richard II
10.          Henry IV
11.          Richard II
12.          Richard III
13.          Edward IV ( who appears in Shakespeare’s Henry VI )
14.          Henry VI
15.          Richard III

Here is another gem from my collection of old programmes. This time it’s from 1972. Noteworthy, apart from the stellar casting, is that the director of this production was John Gielgud.

Colour printing was reserved for the cigarette adverts. The one on the back cover has an interesting reminder of what theatre tickets used to look like. They were small, printed on very thin paper and very easy to lose. Again, the other adverts are fascinating. Dinner, two courses including wine and coffee, was £1.95 at a nearby restaurant. Kenneth Williams was at the Globe theatre. No Sex, Please, We’re British was in the second year of its very long run at the Strand. With Ralph Richardson and Celia Johnson at the Savoy, it seems like another world. As for ‘the best musical in town’, has anyone today ever heard of I and Albert ? There is a feeling throughout that going to the theatre was a ‘posh’ thing to do. Although London theatre is still expensive today, that feeling of ‘poshness’ seems to have gone.

Theatre names change quickly too. The Queens is now the Sondheim, the Globe is now the Gielgud and the Strand is now the Novello. Will we soon have a Dench or a McKellen ?

Perhaps the oddest things in this programme are the reviews of a restaurant in Hampton Court, hardly suitable for a post-show supper, and a book about Cecil Rhodes with no theatrical connection at all.

I had avoided this show for a long time, put off by all the reviews telling me how ‘heart-warming’ it was. It sounded a bit ‘icky’. What a mistake. I finally went to see it after enjoying an excerpt at the Olivier awards and was knocked out. Firstly, I was surprised by how funny it is. Given the subject matter (events surrounding 9/11) this is quite an achievement. I loved it. There is a blackout at the end and when the lights came back on the whole audience were already on their feet. Never seen it happen so fast. Great writing, great performances, great band. Best new musical for ages.

It’s also pretty heart-warming.

I have always kept the programme when I have visited the theatre and I now have a large collection going back to the 1960s. This one is from one of my first visits to a West End show. Click on the image to see the full pdf. As you can see, it cost a shilling (5p) and the best seats in the house cost 35/- (£1.75). I was in the balcony at 6/- (30p). It seems like a bargain price to see so much legendary talent onstage. The seat cost six times the price of the programme. Today programmes cost about £4 but you’ll struggle to find a West End ticket at six times that price.

The advertising is fascinating. The show that had ‘broken all box office records’ is now totally forgotten. The author does not even get a credit in the ad. Most of the advertising is about eating, drinking and smoking and, in the Showguide, we can see that Des O’Connor was at the Palladium, Ginger Rogers was at the Theatre Royal, Drury Lane and the Black and White Minstrels were threatening a new season at the Victoria Palace.

What I still recall as if it were yesterday is the voice of John Gielgud as he spellbound the audience with an elegiac soliloquy about all that we had lost. Ironically grand performances such as his are now also lost.

I love theatre programmes and am always disappointed when I find that all that is on offer is a copy of the script with a couple of pages of ‘programme material’ at the front. Hats off to theatres like the National, Hampstead and the RSC who still believe that a detailed, informative programme can enhance one’s enjoyment of the show and, of course, can make a great souvenir.

Just seen the new show from Vamos, A Brave Face. As always, it was astonishing to see how much can be conveyed without words and, indeed, without facial expressions. Every aspect of the show is brilliant – the masks, the music, the performances, the ‘message’.

The audience at the Unity Theatre in Liverpool, who not only enjoyed the gentle Vamos humour but were also audibly moved during the show, gave it a well-deserved standing ovation. They are touring all over the country. Go and see it if it’s near you ( or even if it’s far away ).

Just been to see Släpstick at the always interesting HOME theatre in Manchester.

They are a Dutch group of five musicians/clowns and their show is just hilarious. The five-year-olds in the audience loved it. The adults loved it. Brilliantly inventive and the musical and physical skills on display are extraordinary.

They’re not in the UK very often but if you get the chance to see them you MUST go.